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APRIL YA MAFOOL TU… April 13, 2007

Posted by modoathii in Uncategorized.
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Msee anasakanywa. Anasakanywa na manzi wa his. Anasakanywa na sista budake. Anasakanywa na beshte wake. Kila modhii ambaye hana bahati na anammesea anamsaka.

Si nimetuliza hivi kejani. Mdogo mdogo, roho mazee inajump one beat ahead of schedule juu ya bang ingine kwa dowa. Nikishafungua mlango isivi namyebi Marto. Mazee si anapant ka horse imetoka racecourse, na haikushinda race ata wahed. Namuliza isvipi, na badala kunianswer anapita na mimi vigwan.

“Hujaniyebi, sawa?” ananiwikia akipita kaa buu inadondoka valley rodi bila brakes na imejaa.

Si amepita na akajidunga kwa bediko ya mi chini ya blanketi. Kuna vile hauwezi jificha chini ya bed so ni lazima ukuwe mjanja. Saa hii joh, ilebirika iko jikoni haitoi steam kaa mimi. Huyu Marto anado what sasa? Hata kabla sijapiga step ya kutisha towards Marto, mlango tena inagongwa gongwa. Lakini raundii hii sio kama karao, juu mazee hii knock ni soft kaa TP ya 2 ply kutoka Velvex.

Nafungua dowa.

“Sema Modo” kwa sauti ya ndege kaa fifty zinazoimba in harmony. “umemuona Marto?”

Yaani, nacheki hii manzi. Eish. Msuper niaje…yaani nyangarika ka Marto ilimdanganya vipi ndio iingiane.

Niko about kumshow vile sijamuona Marto tangu sijui enzi za Mose, na akacheki bed imevimba kaa manzi anaball ya wazimu.

“Huyo ni nani?”

Dame blue murder karibu a scream.

“Shhh! Shhh! Huyu ni manzi wa-me. Tuliza, analala. Amechoka isvipi.”

Sasa dame ananicheki ni kama wale mamain actors wa Star Trek waliokutana na modhii kutoka space station inajiita ‘ZXYBORGILZ’ pale nyuma ya Jupiter. Ye, hujua sinanga achibela. Lakini kuna vile hawezi anza keunda kufunua blanketi. Hayuko shua kama atamget chali wa hers ama atapata karembo kameng’ara birthday suit fitting kama yule emperor.

“Sawa, ukimcheki nitilie. Au sio?” hii anawika akichekicheki ile ‘ball’ kwa bediko. “Atakipata. Anaeza aje niita Fool?”

Si elewi lakini namtilia…

“Poa mresh nitakudungia waya.”

Anaturn kuishia. Saa kwa situation kaa hii msee mnormal anafaa afunge dowa aingie keja na atulize. Lakini mi ni msee. Zile majamjing niliona kutoka nyuma…MAHAAA… msee! Ninalick malips in delight kisha nafeel kajoto na kawetness kwa shingo.

“Good view?”

“Oh, yea…ah iza Marto, nilikuwa na-make shua tu amefika gate salama. Sikuwa nacheki ma-those things”

Nacheka kikondoo (sheepishly)

“Marto, kwani umedo what ndio huyu msuper anazusha hivi?

Akanitilia story…

“Sio kitu serious. Ni ujinga tu ya mamanzi. Si wajua jana ilikuwa April Fool’s msee. Sasa mi mazee kuna vile sikuwa na njaa ya kumchezea msee vichafu na ujinga. So nikatuliza nikalenga. Lakini nilikuwa nimetuliza hivi nikapata SMS…”Safaricom are celebrating their birthday. Send this to ten people and get free airtime worth 250/-“

(pause there)

Hii risto ni ya a while back. Mnakumbuka ile enzi maSMS ziliwanga zinatumwa tumwa ati mtashinda masimu, sijui airtime, mkitumia wadhii wengi? Ni hizo enzi…early 2000s. Risto iendelee. Ngoja hakukua na mabamba hizo days. Tuendelee.)

“Hii SMS ilikuwa imenishibisha niaje. Na ilikuwa imetoka kwa nani? Shoree mwenyewe. Nilikuwa nimeudhika mbaya nikaona wacha nimalize hii risto ya hii SMS jinga kabisa. Kila msee aliye nitumia hii SMS nilimrudushi nikimshow…”This SMS actually works. I got free Airtime”

Wasee, including manzi si alikuwa amebambika niaje. Akaniuliza vipi ati hii kitu inado job. Nielezee. Si nikamshow…”if you want the message to work don’t forward the message. What you need to do is retype the message every time you send it”.

Si wasee, wakaretype, na wakasend kwa wadhii kumi kumi kila mtu. Karibu dakiki fifteen badaye wasee wananiuliza…”haya nimetuma sasa aje?”

“Mmetuma? Eh, sawa do-ini hivi, nendeni Safaricom house”

Madakika thirty shoree wangu na watu kaa tano, including siz wa mbuyu, wakanitumia SMS…”Haya, niko hapo…sasa ni fanye”

“mnaona, watchie wowote hapo. Nenda Msalimie na umwambie I AM A FOOL!”

End of story.

Si nilidedi na maLOL, na maROTFL…na kadhaa…

Ndio jana nilimcheki auntie wa his na mahasira ka wamama fortey kutoka ungem karibu aniwai slap juu mi ni beshte wake.

“Msee si we ni msheee…” akamalizia.

Kuna vile bado watu hawajazoea huyu mlefa Marto…bado mi najaribu kumuelewa. Na kuna vile bado sijamwelewa mwenyewe.

(My unofficial last un-english post before I become undone.)

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Comments»

1. Klara - April 14, 2007

LOL! U r baaaaaaaaaaad..I remenber gettin that sms n lengaaing it!

2. aegeus - April 14, 2007

Here!

3. aegeus - April 14, 2007

Dude, do not stop these kikwetu posts. We need them! Hii risto maze imenibamba na straw. Hehehehe ati retype na utumie wadhii kaa five alafu utapata two-finje…heheheh … alafu uende Safcom house …umwambie wachie…ROTFL

4. Iwaya - April 14, 2007

Yo Homie, I wanna laugh but I can’t read Swahili! A translation perhaps for your number 1 Ugandan fan…but then again, a joke that needs explaining…

5. Sue - April 16, 2007

Apo enyewe mlieza wadhii.. 😀 Iyo ni ngori..
na wewe na manzi ya beste yako nijea??.. Ata kaa mawetete ni za ajabu, ngale man..

6. Unyc - April 17, 2007

Naona umejibwaga ukaunleash kikwetu noma mzeya!!

LOl…..umenifurahisha sana na hii post. Wewe ni chizi.

7. Bantutu - April 17, 2007

Ai Brasssaaa!! Io soga iko orda!!
Ati your Unofficial last Un-English? Post….We acha kutukatsisha!! Bratha Io risto ya uNgamia iko fiti….Kukagua Diago ni wajbu…Hihihih….Ninakuscope mzee…

8. Bomseh - April 17, 2007

Hooray, Marto is back. Tell us what happened. His next prank. I love this Marto, lakini nampenda ki-upendo sio ki-mapenzi. elewa hiyo.

Post kali kishenzi. Hiyo ya sms sijawahi pata.

9. Gish - April 19, 2007

He’s back hes back Marto is back. Nimededi na maLOL, na maROTFL…na kadhaa…

10. Mocha! - April 20, 2007

nimeprint ndio ni some kwa buu nikienda home.

alafu, ebu badilisha link yako ya coffee break manzee. hiyo boma imeshadedi!!!

unaweza weka hii http://liciousphotography.blogspot.com ama BQ!

malaters!

11. Mocha! - April 27, 2007

LMAO….manzee, hii risto nilisoma kwa buu on my way home. Watu walikuwa wananisorora nika mi ni mwenda vile nilikuwa nimecheka.

😉 😀


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