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The shortest lesson in history. July 17, 2007

Posted by modoathii in Uncategorized.
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Teacher walked in loaded with books. How he managed to get the class to take their seats still remains one of the unsolved mysteries ever. These kids were rowdy. They just stared at him as he walked in. Some were busy doing their own things. Others were busy doing other people’s things.

He tried to hit it off with the students. But the students didn’t find it necessary to hit it off.

Suddenly all was quiet. All had sat down in their respective places. The teacher was amazed. But he didn’t think too much of it. All he cared about was that the class was finally quiet.

(diversion…TREMOR ALERT!)

He placed his books on the table. Opened up the first one and started off by introducing himself…

“Hi boys and gir___”

There was a moment of mayhem because these weren’t boys and girls. They were way older than boys and girls. And they let the new teacher know. He apologised and the lesson which hadn’t really begun resumed.

For five minutes, it was all a monologue…or as the secondary school teacher had taught us…a soliloquy. A sad one at that. Nothing interesting was leaving the deep vastness of the teacher’s parched throat.

Some students yawned. The teacher saw that. Another almost fell of her seat because of boredom. He saw that too. And yet another, she had the nerve, walked out of class. On enquiry, the teacher was informed that she only came to class for 30 minutes every day. Any longer and her dad would believe she was in relationship with a boy somewhere.

This clearly wasn’t a serious class. It was time for something drastic.

The teacher paused and looked from one student to the next. He even spotted the one who had put on headphones. Headphones not earphones. He clenched his fist. He touched his belt. He looked at his books. In slow motion he closed them.

“Okay guys let’s be real here. My name is dooaz…with a small ‘d’, and I ain’t no teacher. Heck am i student like you…and I there is no freaking way I’m teaching you guys. To hell with the principal. So what music you listening to?”

That was the end of that lesson. That was the end on my teaching career (thank God).

The moment I realized I would never be a teacher, better yet, never teach such a bunch of hard heads, was when I discovered I had taught a full term’s notes in five minutes.

FIVE MINUTES. I mean, I had even put in the pauses and bad jokes that my teacher had put…but it still took five minutes.

Plus, this colle had no timetable, and only six students. Six vichwa ngumu students. As for the principal, I told him to go to hell, in a polite way. He had played me first. I had gone to him looking for attachment when he told me…ati, to teach his students while he organized for me attacho.

Ya right!

From then on I was the best and only lecturer they ever had. I would walk in on many a day with pears from Limuru and sell. I would come with….HOLD UP! my reputation is at stake here…so what I did will remain, here…(gesturing to the heart)

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Comments»

1. Mocha! - July 17, 2007

Doing a mini jig…..ma first timers wako wapi???

Off to do the reading!

2. Mocha! - July 17, 2007

LOL….is this for real?

As real as the medusa hairstyle!

3. aegeus - July 17, 2007

Mocha. Kwani where did you come from? I had info from the horses’ mouth itself! Heheheeh!!

NEIGH!

4. aegeus - July 17, 2007

Now WP swallows my comment! AIIIIIIIII!!!!

BURP! and i vomit it out…ptuuuaaa!

5. aegeus - July 17, 2007

Hiyo tremor mazee!! Wow! The first one i have felt in my life. It may be just me but wasnt that exciting? Picture me watching as my monitor gyrates to the ngoma on Capital and my phones topple over as the ground undulates with the wooden partitions swaying in a wave like motion, with the tenje aerial waving about like its attached on the bonnet of a 4×4 doing the Rhino Charge…hehehe!!

you enjoyed the ‘ride’ too eh? redsun should market his song now…tetetetetetemeka!

6. anons - July 17, 2007

LOL.. You a a teacher??.. LOL Is this for real aki??..
Selling pears…
A whole semister’s lesson in 5 minutes and in it the bad jokes.. LOL

why don’t no one believe me? i was a well-paid lecturer…pear business was booming.

7. Kirima - July 17, 2007

Wait a second you a teacher? – Eyes wide open in disbelief – I guess that was before the mungiki days then. but laughing at fella with Headphones in class kweli they were vichwa ngumu.
I felt that tremor earlier as I was writing my post in a cyber in town freaky but it wasn’t all that either.

and it wasn’t that recruitment. proper proper teaching…over-trained teacher i was.

8. Bomseh - July 17, 2007

What are you teaching and is it oral or practical?

practical was end term project…kwanza ule alikuwa anakaziwa…

9. three types of crazy - July 17, 2007

kwani why are people shocked that you are a teacher, scratch that you were a teacher. Do tell.

what I really want to know is…………what school was this? where no kid will listen alaafu another one walks out after 30 mins becoz her dad will think she is seeing a boy- that dad needs to be in a class himself.

but i wonder why too…ni mimi tu. that chick just made my day, but i believe it was vice versa, she used that excuse so she could see her jamaa during school hours…so buda anajua yuko colle. colle ingine hapo clande…kule B

10. betty - July 17, 2007

3TOC..aki i think it was those colles huko 6th floor somewhere in down town Nai..it must be..

6 vichwa ngumus??ulijaribu.Enywewe you were a cool teacher LMAO@ selling pears in class..you were such a cool lecturer..ok, so the teaching career ended after the first five minutes..(when u funza the whole terms’ notes in five)

This was funny.

Mocha..aki now am worried for you..wewe ni Sonic ama?one of this days, i’ll be there!

apana haikuwa zile juu ya bar…but it should have been. 6 tothis…tois just wasting fathe’s cash and a clever principal making money out of them. though i educated them on that…they held a street demo after which was quashed by watchies wa KK.

11. Gishungwa - July 18, 2007

After meeting i dont see a teacher in you then again things change LOL. Twas real good putting a face to the name.

i don’t look like a maths teacher?

12. Gishungwa - July 18, 2007

I have tagged you. More information on my blog

oh my and how i had gone to soma 3TC’s blog silently hoping…well, i guess not. WHY?

13. Klara - July 18, 2007

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

watch it. i’m gona whoop that…

14. farmgal - July 18, 2007

Modo teacher wow!

hehe…modo so-he-thought-he-was

15. Mocha! - July 18, 2007

Aegeus na Betty….mezeni wembe! 😀

Modo…you a teacher, even I wouldn’t take you seriously until you started selling the pears. Now then I would have been POSITIVELY worried! LOL!

bana i saw my students pass…through the door on their way out. it’s not only you, I couldn’t take myself seriously, after doing a term in 5 minutes..never. pears was booming business by the way.

16. kipusa - July 18, 2007

LMAO

si you shud have been my lecturer

you bet. your GPA would be huko with safaricom profits.

17. Bantutu - July 18, 2007

Man!! Ati tremor!! Unajua hakuna ata moja nimeskia? Hisi..feel..guswa? Yani they happen when am moving…so my movement and their movement Cancel and you are left with one…One Bantu without an inkling of a clue…
Dakika tano eh? hihihihi!!
Stude from your Darro(The one with he headphones): Yeiii!! Our TA rocks some mean locks!! I’ll bet he likes music…wacha nibebe Walk (wo)man.
Umenitatua mzuri…Couch iko warmest…

LOL! si hiyo ndio ubaya wa kuwa juu ya gode…you are always high…utasikia nini? couch is always welcoming man. gotta!

18. archer - July 19, 2007

Ati the colle had 6 students only? And Modo as a lecturer? Si those are jokes?!! LMAO!! Alafu odijo ana-hawk ma pears kwa daro? Aiyaiyaiyai…….was the colle on Tom Mboya St ama Ronald Ngala St?

Onto other things…..nimeshinda vita!! You know what I mean, sivyo?

no one believes me…boohoo…whatever! haiku kawking it was legal biashara…i even did deliveries. Hiyo vita was biased. bana masupporter wako ni mahoax…bana, they played me

19. inexes - July 19, 2007

Hata mimi ni mwalimu – but my students are well behaved, wengine ni wazee yaani they started working while i was still susuing kwa diapers, others (betty agemates) just ogle at me….. laters i buy them a drinks….

@Archer – vita gani? za bibilia?

20. echwalu - July 19, 2007

Men!!! i have kind of passed through that level…That hardcore demand for respect is what i have witnessed.

You know my entire years at school has always been a back bencher!!

Not that am dumb…in fact i can praise myself for being an average student…but students forcefully demanded respect no matter what the teacher would do..

But calling the guys “boys and girls” certainly suck!!! he must have learnt a complete lesson..

If you want to see exactly what you posted , there is this movies……”FREEDOM WRITERS”……A complete depeiction of the above..

21. echwalu - July 19, 2007

..qn; Kids of today and those of the days, which class really falls under tehe bad boy class?.

22. bobby - July 19, 2007

Hail…. saw this blog and i like it ..actually the thought of exchanging cultural concepts and idea really appeal to me. I am from Jamaica.. the land of Bob Marley & Asafa Powell … like your blog it is kool.

23. Aizoh - July 20, 2007

Vipi mzeiya? Shyte! Niliweka blog yako ya blogspot kwa newshutch badala ya hii sasa mapost zinanipita tu bana. Anyway, now my newshutch IS IN THE LOOP vibaiya! Ati ulikuwa odijo? Wacha uchaliii!

24. Jamvi - July 20, 2007

Clearly teaching is not for the modoathii hearted.

25. boyflani....with a lesson - July 20, 2007

che-sus!and not that of nazareth..TEacher?was that mathare..or…well told story jamaa.

26. Four better or four worse… « the couch - April 16, 2008

[…] Teacher (who taught for 5 minutes) 2. Copywriter 3. Editor (of the first and only estate magazine) 4. Artist/painter/designer for […]


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