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Coffee break! August 29, 2007

Posted by modoathii in Uncategorized.
21 comments

This should sum up my absence from my own home (other than being locked out). Lakini, i’ll resume shortly….

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Alafu, EGM huyu ni wewe in future niniii?

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This is for geekazoids…kina aegeus

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Watu wa Man Useless mkoooo?

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Is this 3TOC’s dental clinic?

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Kina bantu…this is something your cats could do with…

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Najua nikaenda kotini this will be the jury in my case…

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Reasons some of us stay on the BT…

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Finding yourself in a lose-and pain situation…

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Busted…

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Being thankful for the little (or huge) we are blessed with…

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Aegues, wachana na Big Brother…now THIS is a reality show…

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And for those who are in love with piercings, sisemi majina…LOL…

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Houston…we had a problem…

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For the people with inferiority complex…or something like that…

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Steers’ next outlet….the freshest…

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Safaricom’s next venture…

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And kahawa has run dry so coffee break is over…back to normal blogging…

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The power of a woman…four of them actually! August 14, 2007

Posted by modoathii in Uncategorized.
34 comments

The following took place between GPO and Mwendas…wait, I’m suposed to say the time…okay,

The following took place between 11pm and 2am

I was in a fender bender on Friday night. Actually, a bonnet bender. Fender wasn’t too badly damaged, but the bonnet…rather boot, since it was a VW beetle, could have been in better shape.

We were on our way to Mwendas in the ‘kettle’, as we fondly call the beetle, when this idiot in an old merc crossed with us at a roundabout. I’ll call him idiot coz of many reasons. Idiot (reason one) was coming from innermost lane and wanted to go straight. So si of course we nicked his door. A ka-young one.

Now my boy wasn’t on water and he was giving me the full vybe with subtitles when…..”AY! Watch it”. Too late, metal meeting. Then huko kwa hewa, like my pal said, was a flying saucer. It was the other guy’s wheel cap. Yes, like I said, my boy wasn’t on water, so he didn’t brake immediately and instead he followed the ‘offender’ behind, and, our offender of course, stopped. Before we knew it…RIGHT IN THE ARSE! We came smashing into him like…like…like a thao drunkards.

KOPENGELENGELE!

(long whistle of mshangao…..)

My boy opened the door and mwagikad out. He was too high to step out. I, however, DID step out. Majestically…then staggered kidogo…kidogo tu. Vodo sio maji.

Idiot too staggered out. Aha…mlevi pia yeye.

On assessing damage, nothing was wrong. The guy’s fender wasn’t even scratched, but ‘kettle’s’ bonnet had jikunjad like someone who had folded his knees. And the ‘big eyes’ were now squinted. The mec on the other hand, scratch tu…I tell you these old cars are amazing…that merc had no dent..of course, just the door. But behind…NASHING!

While we were still trying to construct a straight sentence, both of us three, some chick’s we were with fikad there in their own Subaru…sweet ride.

They were the sober ones. At least one was.

Now this idiot (reason two), made huge blunders and started listening to their vibe. They exchanged details…fake of course. My boy was meanwhile walking around like aimlessly with a shchewpeed smile on his face. As for me, I was busy buying the early morning sato paper…yaani, we weren’t moved jack!

I returned to go check on the damage and wonder why this bugger was insisting. Couldn’t the idiot (reason 3) see this was a veedab and clearly the owner couldn’t afford to fix his own moti, let alone the benzo.

Here is where, the Bomseh‘s effect took over. Cogwheels in head were operating on alcohol lubricant….quite slowly. As I was drunkenly looking over the damage, my boy came, ingiad the ‘kettle’ and started it. The beauty of a beetle is the engine is huko nyuma. He reversed and I thought he was doing this so we could all know the extent of the damage. SHOCK! I saw him put the beetle into gear and speed off.

HEY!

I looked behind at where the chick’s should have been, But ndio waleee hukooo getting into their own moti.

HEY!

What was going on? (Cogwheels are still laboriously turning) Evidently I had missed something. Guys were taking off and I was being wachwad.

HEY!

I ran and jumped into the mamas‘ moti and we took off. Looking behind the idiot (reason 4) was busy ‘over-over’-ing on his huge Nokia communicator (he actually thought it was a walkie-talkie). He was surprisingly quick for a drunk. He jumped into his car and a 24-esque car-chase ensued.

Round and round and round round-abouts (I was just as dizzy too) we went with the guy still on our tail. At first the chiley who was spinning was excited…

“Ngoja, he’ll know why this is a Subaru”

I was still wondering why ‘coz speeds were quite low. The guy was still on our tail as we weaved around tao, when she said…

“Aki now I’m scared”

Typical. A host of options were suddenly open to her.

“I’m going to Mwendas. We’ll park outside and leave him outside. He can’t tow it.”

“I’m going to my mum’s place” (funny what makes people remember ‘mummy’)

“I’m going to the cops”

I’m going…I’m going…and she eventually went the wrong way…

“Where am I going?”

DEAD END! She had apparently pointed her car straight at the gate of the Jew synagogue pale University Way…eh hiyo…thinking it was a sleek move. (well Nina Myers was also just as silly)

The other guy just came and parked his car behind us and continued calling his ‘cop’ buddies.

“Romeo…Romeo…over”

Romeo? Kwani it was a Shakespeare prodakshizzo?

We sat in the car and waited. Our chick had called Auto Assured and told them a guy was following them with evil intentions.

I was like…okay…four chicks and a ‘mungiki’ look-a-like and yet we were being followed? A-ah! not nice. Cops won’t believe anay! I suggested that I leave them alone, (yeah, ugentleman my foot) coz the guy can’t weza four women. And enyewe he didn’t.

So me, I went to Mwendas and there was the ‘kettle’. It’s a good thing we didn’t come to Mwendas.

What cut at the cop-shop was classic.

Si cops came and they all went huko. Our idiot (reason number 5 or 6, I’ve lost count) tried arguing with the mamas…one drunk dude against four women. FOUR! First these are loud mouths (hata kama not all women are loud mouths, these ones, woi, they took the cake…and noisily) and their moti was unscratched so he can’t start saying sijui he was pranged..by who? Idiot.

Yep, the mamas, lengad that vibe. They denied they knew the ‘kettle’ and it’s handler. They denied, denied, denied (and a cock crowed).

“Do we look like women who can be driven in a KDR?”

That’s the number plate of the ‘kettle’.

“Eh, look at us”

Which is what the cops had been doing from the moment they walked in.

Cops having shibad view and kelele dismissed the chileys and told them to bounce. The idiot was also dismissed with mkia ndani ya miguu and a shocked look on his face…he couldn’t believe what had just happened. He had been whooped by ladies. Even I can’t expect to win against four women. I’ve never won against one. Four?

Haikuishia hapo. An APB, or whatever, was put out for the ‘kettle’. It was now the most wanted car. Si my boy panicked and amuad he ain’t driving it no more. He ingiad the chileys’ Soobroo, handed me keys to the ‘kettle’ and said…

“Take it to your place. Please.”

So for the next ten minutes I was cruising with Nairobi’s latest most wanted and heading home to hide it.

But we are all fine. No one was injured, but enyewe kumbe whatever Jack goes through in 24 isn’t a lie.

That was the longest three hours. Too much drama for one night.

Terrorists! August 7, 2007

Posted by modoathii in Uncategorized.
33 comments

Mazee, sorry guys I once said I won’t put forwards on my blog, lakini, bana sio ati mojo ain’t there (mojo ya modo iko…it’s jobo that has wekad him back seat. Besides, this really reeeeally, hurt me…(and if someone else got this…okay)

A moment of silence…

Viewer discretion is adviced…

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WOI!

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Ready for the launch…

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So much ‘blood’ shed….

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Of floods worse than kina Farmgal’s….

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Absolut sadness…checki hiyo lake…DROWN ME!

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Fireworks….

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BOOOHOOO!

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Johnny Flyer…keep flying…

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mbili mbili….

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Who taught these mongos…cheers….

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Oh L…(3TOC i’m calling you)

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My lords….

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Yaani, yaaani, yaaaaani…si wakenitumia…

WHYYYYYYYY?

But hey on the bright side..sijaona Smirnoff Vodka hapo…maybe the horded the best. Reminds me of what Coke did to Pepsi kitambo saaaana.

Have a painfully sober close to the week…

Is it just me… August 2, 2007

Posted by modoathii in Uncategorized.
26 comments

One of Jupiter’s twelve young ones called out to his mother, “Mum, what’s wrong auntie Earth?”

“Why my child?” asked Jupiter.

“She’s spinning so fast.”

It is then that I go to my couch, dust it, lie and ponder…

IS IT JUST ME OR IS TIME MOVING FAST? TOO FAST!

Yet, perhaps it’s not such a bad thing. I mean, look at it this way, at least we get to reach our dreams faster…no ati waaaaaaaiting! Sitting here…diversion! by the way, why do we spell sit as ‘sit’, sitting as ‘sitting’ but seated is not ‘sitted’? …hmmm… okay…where was I? Sitting here I ponder further on what makes the days move fast…

Have fun…
Ever noticed how time flies when having fun? You’re on the floor boogying and enjoying yourself then it’s time to go home. But, be warned, if you dance with the likes of kina Unyc, who dance non-stop till 5 in the AM, that night will be quite long, especially if you tire in one hour, like the best of us.

Enjoy your sleep…
You’re sleeping and having this great dream about this fliest mama…(on special occasions ‘taps’ are open)…and the bed is warm like crazy when…bloody alarm goes off. You beg and force that extra 5 minutes, only to realise the five minutes are three minutes long.

Spend time with a fly mama…
You’re on a date with this HOOOOT interesting chick and no sooner have you said hi to her it’s time to say bye. Try that with a not fly boring mama…

And the secret is don’t miss the fly mama…
If you do, the day/night until you meet again will be every long, so be happy don’t think about her, just think of Janet and Maria at Apple Beez, MOB at Rezorus, the miscellaneous chicks at HEARTZ, the flier ones at Mwendas, the langaz at F2, the nyake at The Hood…no, don’t just think, GO!

Never finish stuff…
Especially those work-related and that involve deadlines. That’s a politically correct way of saying…procrastinate. Honestly, how many times have you ever started on something that’s needed in two weeks and you think…ah, two weeks is far…so you forget about it until two days to go when you go like…S***T! Time has flown, deadline is kesho…OH NO! Oh yes….

Have buddies like Marto…
Though there are reservations to his time-speeding escapades. He’s a fun dude, and time flies when you’re with him…BUT, he’s also known to help lose time. We’ve lost a couple of days thanks to him…one y’all know of, the other, well…

Wear your ‘Sunday best’…
Not really Sunday best, but when you wear your best clothes you realise it’s already evening and no one has noticed you. But try wearing that shady clad and hope no-one will notice…Murphy’s Law people, that’s when everyone who’s anyone notices and it becomes one of the many long days…

Don’t visit boring relatives…
I’m not saying you don’t see your people, by all means go see them but if you find yourself staring at the ceiling discussing the weather…don’t blame me. BUT, everything can be made interesting..discuss the weather with an interesting twist, like a novel..example…”The negro cumulus nimbus cloud swung his way up to this fly jungu female cloud. And started chatting her up. Things got really steamy (the mist) and before long they both came (drizzle) and she was now heavily pregnant with rain.”…hehehe

Do PJs
Personal Jobs. There’s no one who messes up your time like a client on the side. They always want their work NOW. And you never have time for them, so each day keeps zooming past and you realise you haven’t done anything. Oh and it’s good for dealing with the only, ONLY thing that can never be made to come sooner…end month. End month is always far far away…The PJ client doesn’t allow you time to think of being broke…

So while the Americans and others are thinking of saving days…I’m working on reaching my dream soonest…

Oh, one more,

BLOG!
Time flies when you’re blogging…perusing, just half of my blog roll, I discover the better part of the day is gone and deadline for the ad I’m to do is tomorrow…OH CRAP, HOW TIME FLIES!