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The power of a woman…four of them actually! August 14, 2007

Posted by modoathii in Uncategorized.
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The following took place between GPO and Mwendas…wait, I’m suposed to say the time…okay,

The following took place between 11pm and 2am

I was in a fender bender on Friday night. Actually, a bonnet bender. Fender wasn’t too badly damaged, but the bonnet…rather boot, since it was a VW beetle, could have been in better shape.

We were on our way to Mwendas in the ‘kettle’, as we fondly call the beetle, when this idiot in an old merc crossed with us at a roundabout. I’ll call him idiot coz of many reasons. Idiot (reason one) was coming from innermost lane and wanted to go straight. So si of course we nicked his door. A ka-young one.

Now my boy wasn’t on water and he was giving me the full vybe with subtitles when…..”AY! Watch it”. Too late, metal meeting. Then huko kwa hewa, like my pal said, was a flying saucer. It was the other guy’s wheel cap. Yes, like I said, my boy wasn’t on water, so he didn’t brake immediately and instead he followed the ‘offender’ behind, and, our offender of course, stopped. Before we knew it…RIGHT IN THE ARSE! We came smashing into him like…like…like a thao drunkards.

KOPENGELENGELE!

(long whistle of mshangao…..)

My boy opened the door and mwagikad out. He was too high to step out. I, however, DID step out. Majestically…then staggered kidogo…kidogo tu. Vodo sio maji.

Idiot too staggered out. Aha…mlevi pia yeye.

On assessing damage, nothing was wrong. The guy’s fender wasn’t even scratched, but ‘kettle’s’ bonnet had jikunjad like someone who had folded his knees. And the ‘big eyes’ were now squinted. The mec on the other hand, scratch tu…I tell you these old cars are amazing…that merc had no dent..of course, just the door. But behind…NASHING!

While we were still trying to construct a straight sentence, both of us three, some chick’s we were with fikad there in their own Subaru…sweet ride.

They were the sober ones. At least one was.

Now this idiot (reason two), made huge blunders and started listening to their vibe. They exchanged details…fake of course. My boy was meanwhile walking around like aimlessly with a shchewpeed smile on his face. As for me, I was busy buying the early morning sato paper…yaani, we weren’t moved jack!

I returned to go check on the damage and wonder why this bugger was insisting. Couldn’t the idiot (reason 3) see this was a veedab and clearly the owner couldn’t afford to fix his own moti, let alone the benzo.

Here is where, the Bomseh‘s effect took over. Cogwheels in head were operating on alcohol lubricant….quite slowly. As I was drunkenly looking over the damage, my boy came, ingiad the ‘kettle’ and started it. The beauty of a beetle is the engine is huko nyuma. He reversed and I thought he was doing this so we could all know the extent of the damage. SHOCK! I saw him put the beetle into gear and speed off.

HEY!

I looked behind at where the chick’s should have been, But ndio waleee hukooo getting into their own moti.

HEY!

What was going on? (Cogwheels are still laboriously turning) Evidently I had missed something. Guys were taking off and I was being wachwad.

HEY!

I ran and jumped into the mamas‘ moti and we took off. Looking behind the idiot (reason 4) was busy ‘over-over’-ing on his huge Nokia communicator (he actually thought it was a walkie-talkie). He was surprisingly quick for a drunk. He jumped into his car and a 24-esque car-chase ensued.

Round and round and round round-abouts (I was just as dizzy too) we went with the guy still on our tail. At first the chiley who was spinning was excited…

“Ngoja, he’ll know why this is a Subaru”

I was still wondering why ‘coz speeds were quite low. The guy was still on our tail as we weaved around tao, when she said…

“Aki now I’m scared”

Typical. A host of options were suddenly open to her.

“I’m going to Mwendas. We’ll park outside and leave him outside. He can’t tow it.”

“I’m going to my mum’s place” (funny what makes people remember ‘mummy’)

“I’m going to the cops”

I’m going…I’m going…and she eventually went the wrong way…

“Where am I going?”

DEAD END! She had apparently pointed her car straight at the gate of the Jew synagogue pale University Way…eh hiyo…thinking it was a sleek move. (well Nina Myers was also just as silly)

The other guy just came and parked his car behind us and continued calling his ‘cop’ buddies.

“Romeo…Romeo…over”

Romeo? Kwani it was a Shakespeare prodakshizzo?

We sat in the car and waited. Our chick had called Auto Assured and told them a guy was following them with evil intentions.

I was like…okay…four chicks and a ‘mungiki’ look-a-like and yet we were being followed? A-ah! not nice. Cops won’t believe anay! I suggested that I leave them alone, (yeah, ugentleman my foot) coz the guy can’t weza four women. And enyewe he didn’t.

So me, I went to Mwendas and there was the ‘kettle’. It’s a good thing we didn’t come to Mwendas.

What cut at the cop-shop was classic.

Si cops came and they all went huko. Our idiot (reason number 5 or 6, I’ve lost count) tried arguing with the mamas…one drunk dude against four women. FOUR! First these are loud mouths (hata kama not all women are loud mouths, these ones, woi, they took the cake…and noisily) and their moti was unscratched so he can’t start saying sijui he was pranged..by who? Idiot.

Yep, the mamas, lengad that vibe. They denied they knew the ‘kettle’ and it’s handler. They denied, denied, denied (and a cock crowed).

“Do we look like women who can be driven in a KDR?”

That’s the number plate of the ‘kettle’.

“Eh, look at us”

Which is what the cops had been doing from the moment they walked in.

Cops having shibad view and kelele dismissed the chileys and told them to bounce. The idiot was also dismissed with mkia ndani ya miguu and a shocked look on his face…he couldn’t believe what had just happened. He had been whooped by ladies. Even I can’t expect to win against four women. I’ve never won against one. Four?

Haikuishia hapo. An APB, or whatever, was put out for the ‘kettle’. It was now the most wanted car. Si my boy panicked and amuad he ain’t driving it no more. He ingiad the chileys’ Soobroo, handed me keys to the ‘kettle’ and said…

“Take it to your place. Please.”

So for the next ten minutes I was cruising with Nairobi’s latest most wanted and heading home to hide it.

But we are all fine. No one was injured, but enyewe kumbe whatever Jack goes through in 24 isn’t a lie.

That was the longest three hours. Too much drama for one night.

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Comments»

1. Unyc - August 14, 2007

OMG!!! U know what….i saw u that usiku hapo hivo kwa hiyo rounda. Am so serious. N i told the one i ws with thats Modo.

yaani mapenzi was moto you can’t stop to help bro modo? LOL!

2. Unyc - August 14, 2007

LOOOL……ati flying saucer. that was such a dramatc night. That IDIOT got what he deserved. His such an Idiot! Sasa tungesimama nasisi we wld have been in ur car chase…how i wish we did stop!

was that a plane? was that a saucer..not it’s a wheel cap. if you had stopped nyi ndio mgefukuzwa…

3. threetypesofcrazy - August 14, 2007

LOL, okay thankfully you are all fine. lakini that story- too funny.

the whole thing was very funny. ungeona ndio ungejua…

4. inexess - August 14, 2007

Aiii Jack-Bauer-modo! hilarious!! Na kumbe ‘slow’ comes with special specification – unasoma gazeti watu wakikagua magari yao? LOL

that guy was being so unreasonable i decided to grab a paper and get more unreasonable stuff..ati ODM…mawe! i was otero banaaa….

5. egm - August 14, 2007

Enyewe, it’s good mko salama. Lakini that 24esque 3 hours was just too hilarious!

i was as happy as a lark and as amused as..as…modo…we kool. thanks.

6. bobby - August 15, 2007

WOW!!!!!! that would have made 7:00 o’clock news here in Jamaica, that sounded like quite a rush must have been fun……. YIIPPPPEEEEEE
uhnnu bwoy nuh ramp at all , and dem gal deh, dem kjool nuh rass…..eh eh heheh

big tings a gwan. it was a crazy fun night. ati news in jamaica? headline news…LOL! okay, translation, you know boy no…(network down)…and them girl there, they are cool no ras?…eish….private lessons needed….BIG TIME!

7. Gishungwa - August 15, 2007

Arrogant(KDR?) and loud women didn’t the dude know he cant win, has he learnt nothing?

now he has

8. Half n Half - August 15, 2007

Swali no 1? were you with Kirima? LOOL
FOUR women, he dares to argue with 4 women? can you spell crazy?
@bobby: eeeh?

LOL! no it wasn’t kirima. hidiot indeed…bobby ni mangwai…still working on mi jomaican accent.

9. Mocha! - August 15, 2007

First…..thank God you guys are cool!

Your hindiot friend……LOL!!!

Aki you can make a series out of this. If it came out on DVD I would be hapo pre-ordering before its release. LMAO!

thanks, we aight…will consider that series… and hey, wasap with your digs…you’ve locked us out..boohoo….i promise not to crash stuff…

10. jadekitten - August 15, 2007

Tiiihiii….I am absolutely hilarized. Ok, now that I’ve picked myself from the floor…Good thing you’re all ok… Kwani by the way how many things happened on Friday night? And kwanza I was also at Mwenda’s na sikukuona…ama that was the time you were at the synagogue..LOL.

HnH..hapana…Kirima alikuwa bells west…he came to mwenda’s…took 1 look at the place and turned on his heels..akaishia.

you were at mwendas? we never actually really walked into mwendas proper…we were huko backyard. synagogue was well guarded by the way, ati hii story you can run to church/synagogue for divine security anytime, sahau synagogue..

11. frankie - August 15, 2007

dough za cyber zimeisha, lakini nitacome kusoma baadaye, looks like u had a rough nite though, halafu niulize, does that white volkswagen really move? si u donate it to the museum or something…

niko na tucoins kwa piggy bank…the white combi hukoooo nyuma? it’s been there for a long while..very long while.

12. Phassie - August 15, 2007

I have laughed. Please someone pick me off the floor. That dramatization was too vivid.

Good thing all is well!

hehehe…

13. kipusa - August 15, 2007

LMAO x a thao

You have made my week

and i can’t make mine…nini na blog ya you? hai-load! but you’s welcome

14. shee - August 15, 2007

ROTFLMPAO.. That was hillarious…
And how did that idiot friend surely… he thought he could shinda 4 mamas…
Lakini that kettle tupa.. Ukipatikana nayo kwako, being a Mungiki Look-alike.. Sasa itakua aje?? LOL

kettle will always be there…hatuwezi tupa bana…mungiki look-a-like or not…

15. Bomseh - August 15, 2007

Yaani I get google alert then rush in here and CTRL+F the word bomseh and I find that unaniharibia jina. Haki you really wanna fight. Wacha I go get ammo and some more training, then read the post and come atcha!

easy dude, EASY!

16. Wanja Kihii - August 16, 2007

Modo bauer…..LMAO …. Vodo on me the next time you decided to hangout with a “sane” mama……..ROTFLMAO

i’ll be looking out for you….

17. Klara - August 16, 2007

I have chekaad Mbaya!
SRONFLMAO!!!

cheka tu!

18. aegeus - August 16, 2007

“Ngoja, he’ll know why this is a Subaru”

I was still wondering why ‘coz speeds were quite low. The guy was still on our tail as we weaved around tao, when she said…

Si ungenipigia simu…hehehe…getaway dere here…for hire..si uliona transporter…weweee!! …vrooom vroom…screech…tungemwacha hadi acheki hapo kwa pedals akidhani badala ya kukanyanga accelerator amekanyanga breki…that was hilarious…glad you are unscathed…cant say the same about the “kettle” awww…i hope atatengenezwa karibuni…anyone who wants to know the location of that kombi….ahem!! Modo…una ngapi…ama i unleash!!

dude i saw what you did to mona..bana kuna vile…the location of the kombi? iko hapo tu nje. hamna kitu ya kutoboa!

19. Bomseh - August 16, 2007

Bahati yako nimekosa ammo.

And where was Marto all this while? This story is way too funny. Marto’s blood is getting into you.

marto ni beshte…tends to rub off!

20. kip - August 17, 2007

lol modo wewe your makendes are too funny…. izzhow tha Vw looks like one owned by a former engrish tisha of mine in high school somewhere in thika?

labda man, sijui who the previous owner was!

21. komi - August 17, 2007

I would have loved to watch but not ride in either of those cars..woiye mwenda must be heartbroken seeing as his ride is ‘bent at the knees’ and most wanted ha.

believe me the ride would have been quite…er…gripping. BTW, mwendas is a bar in nai. but i get what you mean, and he isn’t heart-broken whatsoever

22. bobby - August 18, 2007

Hey got me a hurricane coming with winds up to 135mph gonna hit us by sunday morning. Say a good word for us…

a prayer’s been said…

23. Nakeel - August 19, 2007

LOL EEh the only thing I know is never get to argue with a woman however good you think you are just walk. Kwanza wanne. LA.

you got that right!

24. betty - August 21, 2007

ok am late!!ISH.

I have now seen the damage on the birika and looooolest..bado iko kwa hiding??

25. Kirima - August 21, 2007

How can I be so late yet peeps were already assuming I was said driver (shaking fist at HnH).
Lakini that story is all too funny, yes I was at Mwendas briefly that friday I would definately have wanted to see that 4some of girls that silenced the hindiot.

26. sisbigbones - August 23, 2007

LOL…that’s a good story to wake up to. Granted it happened a week ago and you’re sawaz. Now I’m just curious what happened to the most wanted car…LOL. You guys are crazy

27. felixplicit - August 23, 2007

heheheheh..modo the dramatist.dude, that story.great!manze u cn write..ok u do.wot do they give u in mathare..by the way. i have them misokotos on my house warming ceremony.now i i know u will come.
🙂

28. bobby - August 23, 2007

Hey your words help… my bro, and like the new look the “fly eyes” use to bug me out… lol lol ….. by the way a got the gift like Marley you want to here me sing…. ” ♪ ♪ Woke up this morning… rose with the rising sun…. three little birds ….by my door step… and they were singing songs of melody pure and sure saying this is my message to you woooooo ….don’t worry about a thing cause every little thing gonna be alright….♪ ♪ ♪” …see a don’t sound too bad heh heh heh

29. Wanja Kihii - August 24, 2007

Love the new look

30. Wambui - August 25, 2007

Modo! I was chuckling to myself at the sight of the beetle oops the ‘kettle’…my mum drove a 1967 beetle that was forever being patched together by the mechanic…one time it just started hooting randomly (we’d never heard it hoot so for a minute we thought it was someone else’s car)…no biggie, until you’re stuck at the Museum Hill roundabout in traffic…in a car that’s hooting endlessly! I’m sure when the guy sobered up he thought he’d been dreaming (wild dreams about runaway VWs and beautiful women assassins LOL…until he saw the damage on his car!)
PS…The new look is quite nice…very soothing 🙂

31. Klara - August 27, 2007

Great new Digz! Like tha change! Manze it was time for the uplift!

32. bobby - August 28, 2007

Hey we got a gold how you guys doing at the iaaf championship

33. 3N - August 28, 2007

LMAO, drunken storoz are too deadly.

3TOC, No I cannot handle 4 women, i will kunja my tail and walk away quietly.

34. modoathii - August 29, 2007

i’m having domes, getting into wordpress….


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