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The attack! October 19, 2007

Posted by modoathii in BT, my love life, the good times.
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I was seated there at the bar as usual sipping my vodo politely, as usual. When suddenly there was all this commotion. What was going on? Up to now the ride had been smooth.

As I sat there wondering what was going on, this arrow-riddled Muthii bursts in to the bar.

What the…!

He looks at me.

I look at him.

It is evident he’s been hit. But looking into his eyes, you can see this determination not to let go. He doesn’t say a thing. He doesn’t need to. As he continues down the corridor he is struck by another arrow. How is he surviving? Si ashuke aende apate usaidizi?

By now curiosity has peaked, and am about to kill something. Spiders’ livelihoods. I have been sitting here on this ride for two years plus and my unmoving body had proved to be prime housing location for generations of spiders. As I stood up, many web condos were demolished. The spiders that protested were squished.

SQUISH!

SQUISH!

Anybody else? No? I thought so.

As I am rounding the corner this mad one passes me once, twice, thrice. She/they look at me and repetitively mumble “Falling! Falling!” and she/they are off. I notice an arrow in her back.

Whoever this attacker is he is really wrecking havoc.

HAHAHAHAHA!

I hear happy laughter.

I look back and see this “pwetty pwety kitty” laughing her head off. Well, at least someone’s happy. Lodged in her chest is an arrow. Similar to the ones that have almost flattened the confused and unwilling muthii and the one that had lodged in the mad one(s). Strangely, this one is happy. Clearly she’s not jaded.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

MWAHAHAHAH!

I hear sinister laughter now.

What now? I wonder, as I look in the direction from whence the puddy cat and the laugh came from. I’m shocked. Well actually not really.

YOU? You’re the attacker? You’re the one causing such drama on this ride?

The attacker (not him) is none other than this little boy. Barely…jeez, how old would you say he is? In his hand is this glistening bow and on his back this fine leather quiver loaded with lots and lots of arrows.

I remember him. Just recently he had raided us again. His victim was this guy who after a nyc unique experience was forced to jump off the ride at some station miles back.

He looks at me.

What?

He LOOKS at me.

WHAT?

He lifts his hand and points at me.

HUH?

He removes an arrow.

I look behind me. I don’t see the muthii. Neither do I see the mad one(s). The kitten has also scampered off.

He has now loaded his bow.

No. Me?

He lifts it.

NOOO!

He pulls.

WAIT!

He lets fly.

AAARGH!

As the arrow cuts smoothly throw the tense air…

Swooooooosh!

…my mind is racing. Why me? What did I do? All I did was look at her. I didn’t do anything.

THUNK!

It hits the spot.

AAA…aaaa….huh…aaaaaah!

Aaaaaah!

Hey, it’s a nice feeling. Hit me ag__

THUNK!

Ok. But easy dude.

THUNK! THUNK!

HEY! EASY! EASY! JEEZ! What you wanna do kill m___

THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!

Clearly there’s no escaping these arrows. These ones are heart-seeking missiles.

And all because I looked at her.

Her who?

Well, I saw her through the window. She was seated on the platform of the train station and I almost wasted good vodo by spitting it out. So I instead swallowed hard and succeeded in choking myself. I coughed so hard, the bar tender gave me a free shot. (Hmm, I’ve been trying to cough like that ever since but no free shot has been forthcoming)

Anyway, where was I? Yeah, she was seated there on the bench. She was looking like oh so pretty. Man, that was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen and it helped the stinging vodo go down smoothly. My heart skipped that proverbial beat. I was feeling things I’d never thought I’d feel again.

There she was. (heart SKIP) Dayumm! She had crossed her legs. How I wanted to be that bench. Next to her was lots of luggage. And she looked weary. She definitely needed a rest.

Oh, she could rest on the couch. Anytime.

I took a quick sip of my vodo only to discover the train was pulling away, without her.

Why wasn’t she getting on board? She kept looking back like she was waiting for someone. But that someone wasn’t coming.

It was as I was thinking what to do about this miraculous situation, that this arrow-laden young bandit attacked the train.

And after all these arrows, there is no way I am staying on board with this maniac.

So a few metres from the station where I had seen this damsel in the dress, I pull the emergency brakes. The train screeches to a stop and I jump out. Muthii is thrown out too, but he is clinging on the door. Dude let go. The kitten has been tossed out too and she’s walking aimlessly smiling to herself into the forest. The mad one(s) is still ‘falling’. One after the other.

Too bad for them. I run back to the station. My stumble on the platform makes her look my way. Our eyes meet.

SNAP!

Something near the heart snaps.

THUNK!

Another arrow lodges itself near the heart.

DUDE! I GET THE MESSAGE. JEEZ! KWANI NI OFFER?

I look back and wave.

THANKS (ST)CUPID!

The baby-faced bandit waves back and continues unleashing his ammo on the hapless muthii.

The BT pulls away and a brand spanking new pimped up train rolling on 18-inch rims complete with spinners pulls up at the station…

“Shall we?” I ask the broad.

“We shall.”

To new adventures!

HOOT! HOOT!

Not from the train, but from me.

PS, I know I have gotten excess (sex) education and poems fulani fulani but I still need prayers. Bana, I’ve been on the BT for the longest. I’ve rusted.

To good times!

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Comments»

1. Kirima - October 19, 2007

LOL! ata mimi I have been observing these goings on with a lot of interest na kweli mishale imeland viproper in the neighbourhood. Such a giddy feeling I hope its infectious.

idhaa ikiwa poa, utapatikana. oh yeah, it’s a nice feeling!

2. boyfulan¿ - October 19, 2007

wa pili;i eeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! wo hooooooooooooooooooo!!!

after a long time eh?

3. Xs - October 19, 2007

LMAO! I have been suspecting for a while that cupid was on loose – he definately seems to be armed with kingsize quiver full of arrows!!!! and boy can he aim!!

haya modo, we await confirmation that the ‘broad’ was not a pinky pinky!

Good riddance from BT train – i’ll be alighting in the next station soon….very soooooon!

mazee, air was in the…wait, love was in the air. nope it aain’t pinky pinky, bt it’s gonna come in handy.

4. pilato - October 19, 2007

Bado the trigger..ooh sorry, arrow-happy little boy hasn’t accomplished his mission.There are still more joy riders in the train…Hit ’em up

train ilikuwa imejaa saaaana!

5. boyfulan¿ - October 19, 2007

***whistle*** hey.congrats dude…long live the arrows.as they dont hit me!!

don’t worry dude, they’ll get you. enyewe that saying is true…don’t go looking for it, it will come.

6. Kafai - October 19, 2007

Finally, now that the ‘pilots’ of the train have shukaad in such haste, is the train on autopilot?
Congrats man. I am so smiling right now 🙂
And someone please throw out that chubby boy with the arrows before more damage is done!

there are many able drivers…hahah…seems like you too can drive it. kweli unaogopa huyo mtoi…and thanks.

7. 3N - October 19, 2007

Yaani mpaka this post has a heart warmy feeling. Good for you modo, I see the God’s of cupid have shown grace on thee and ejected you from the BT.

I watch from aside and wish you and the mamawatoto to be all the best.

eish, that be the feeling i’m feeling dude. thanks. it was about time tushuka this mugithii.

8. Wambui - October 20, 2007

Love this! Ati the baby-faced bandit (it kinda rolls off the tongue smoothly…damn! Now it’s in my brain, can’t get rid of it)! Modo- it’s like a maithikiri…you never forget…just go with the flow and if it doesn’t come [pun intended] back to you, pray without ceasing that s(t)cupid takes aim again…otherwise you’ll be dandia-ing the BT again!

i’ll be praying coz dandiaring that train is not in my plans whatsoever. i’m looking for a cage i fungia that baby-faced bandit ka pet. thanks for the wishes n the advice.

9. threetypesofcrazy - October 20, 2007

wewe the way RICHARD Bryson is my friend, how dare you put me off a train I have never been on, I was always flying. Ihave no knowledge of ANY trains BT or otherwise. Yaani, I demand an apology, I have been “misrepresented” here, alaafu if you could kindly ask the other two crazies to report to duty immediately. This plane is about to make a crash landing.

before you shuka (oh too late!) ebu lipa full fare,this business of rushing out of the door is naada.

my bad kumbe you’ve been traveling huko with prestige as we snaked along? apologies…LOL! sasa which crazy are you? head crazy? umepoteza hao wengine…happy crash landing. i had frequent ‘rider’ points.

10. Muthii Fulani - October 20, 2007

Ouch! i am so happy fo you. is this joy i feel myself? alll the best maze. enjoy. and btw thanks for kicking me off the train, si kuna vile niliwanga nimekwamilia….but you see my long legs were stuck in between the chairs..

it was about time ushuke hii train man…

11. archer - October 20, 2007

Very, very creative! Here’s to the death of the BT! So now the pimped up train with the spinners ni gani? Inaitwaje?

thanks dude. na hiyo BT has to derail now. ati inaitwaje? LT.

12. archer - October 20, 2007

Cupid’s train alias CT?

more like the LT, the Love Train to heaven….cupid travels solo with his arrows.

13. Farmgal - October 20, 2007

First things first – Happy Birthday Modo!
And here’s to the very busy cupid!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

14. pilato - October 20, 2007

Happy Birthday modo crazy..May you grow to be more crazy

more crazier and i’ll die. Thanks pilato!

15. threetypesofcrazy - October 20, 2007

HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYY BIIIIIIIIIIRRRTTTTTHHHHDDDAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY

MARTO!

it’s not marto’s birthday. i’m still not marto. but thanks all the same.

16. betty - October 21, 2007

lol @ 6TOC ati happy birthday marto? lool enyewe even me am convinced this dude and marto be one..or twins!

ahuh..you jumped outta BT and pandad a rim-filled train? heh! that new one you pandad looks promising, inakaa imejaa goodies huko ndani…all the best with the new Miss, enywe you were part of zee furniture kwa BT so you deserve a good loooong break!!

happy birthdaaaaaaaaay Dodoo/Martoo/Modoo.

wewe mimi sio marto. and i’m the happiest there’s no blood(y) relation with that maniac. the BT was crowded with singles, the new one is crowded with (hmmm, what rhymes with singles) good stuff. thanks. and it’s full steam ahead. thanks for the wishes.

17. egm - October 21, 2007

Kwanza, happy birthday! Second, huyo baby-faced bandit ajitokeze tumwonyeshe what he’s doing is subversive to world peace!

what do you mean, he’s making this a better (loving) place. he should get a nobel prize..hahaha…thanks dude!

18. kip - October 22, 2007

happy mbirth nday …. sasa uko what fifte vai ?

LOL! nope kip i have many more happy years to go. thanks mate!

19. frankie - October 22, 2007

Let me comment halafu nisome baadaye..am in class and it is better if I look like am concetrating rather than..typing..but Happy bday, nonetheless..

yaaani unasoma blogu darasani…hahaha…thanks.

20. Rayz-Q - October 22, 2007

On a scale of 1-5………mmmmh! 4.5 (if not 5).

er…what’s been rated? whatever it is it sounds promising. and thanks for stopping by. cheers!

21. frankie - October 22, 2007

Ok, why did I say Happy bday? just coz Kip did. Anyway, I wish u a happy life full of love and many many kids. Make sure u invite me to the wedding (I can hear the wedding bells at a distance..)

LOL! a clear case of going with the flow. erm, maybe it’s because it was my b’day juzi. Thanks for the many wishes, as for the many tois that’s laaaaater. wedding bells…don’t rush us..chill!

22. Kafai - October 22, 2007

Happy belated birthday! I blame the lapse in memory squarely on the viceroy I had on Friday! I was gonna send a birthday wish…..but then I got high, hiGH, HIGH. 🙂
A vodo double on me next time you bump into me in the pub. Long live you!

trust me i’m gonna look for you and bump into you by force. oh yes, the vich the roy lapses..understood, and thanks.

23. jadekitten - October 22, 2007

Happy belated bithday. But you know I was thinking about you :-). Si u know tumetoka mbali, sisi.

Lol at Archer, Ati CT…hehehehehe….Here, I’ve scooted over, werokamu, and siti downi :-). Oh, sorry, you needed space for two, ey…ok ok…I’ve scooted some more. It’s a beautiful, smiley train this one. And yes, I laughed at you at the false alarm, and I’m still laughing atcha. I wish you….lots and lots….of all the good things :-).

Peace!

Thanks,and yes, najua ulikuwa umeniweka pahali pema….LOL! yep, we from far…hukoooooooooooo! thanks. na usonge zaidi hiyo space umetupa sio enough. hahaha. And i wonder why you ar laughing, why? thanks again.

24. Wanja - October 22, 2007

Eishhh whats with the drinking water? Kila mtu is “falling” and being “caught”. I am praying for you vibaya sana you rusty thing. All the best.
Happy belated Birthday

thanks for the prayers. kuna mtu anafanya tuteleze saaaana. thanks for the wishes

25. bryjoe - October 22, 2007

belated happy bithday!!!!

hope you enjoy the ride the on LT 🙂

thanks gal. and i plan to enjoy!

26. bobby - October 22, 2007

That was awesome loved it a gonna read it again…. hey a gong to link this on my site zeen Modo loved it…. 😀

thanks bobby, yeah, feel free.

27. Archer - October 22, 2007

Drat! There goes my chance of copyrighting some lingo. Ok, LT it is then!

I see Jade has appointed herself head stewardess of the LT?

usijali archer many names are attributed only to you. yep jade has “ensconced” (copyright you) herself on LT!

28. kipusa - October 23, 2007

nice really nice

dude no one becomes rusty…its default for most of us

i really hope so. thanks!

29. bomseh - October 23, 2007

He who laughs last laughs best. Hope you enjoyed ur birthday. What did Marto have in store this time?

Now this maneno of LT si one has to shuka BT first? Nitapanda tu with time and a lot of luck. We’ll miss you huku BT.

30. Gishungwa - October 23, 2007

Happy belated Birthday Modo and am glad that you are off the BT *stretching out on the seat*. Be missing you send packages every so oft.

31. Jammy - October 23, 2007

a creative and interesting read….

32. Minty - October 25, 2007

Welcome aboard. Hoot Hoot (from the train) and, there’s no stop ahead. Wait, do not panic…

33. Shamza - October 26, 2007

Ok..I’m late..but congrats on and a toast to the LT for you!

34. kip - October 26, 2007

drama 101!

35. kadinya - October 26, 2007

Haiyaa eeh. Long live LT. Congratulations.

36. Shee - October 27, 2007

HAppy Belated one..
At least the BT goes on being lighter here.. as of course you head on for LT. I will just take over your seat, but someday soon baba.. SOme day soon…
A girathi of wine ama a 1/4 ama ni 1/2 of vodo on me when we kutana, juu ya hii maneno buana…

37. Klara - October 29, 2007

Yaani ur B/day pitaad me..Bad too bad…Hope u had a good one..
Oops at long last..si I dont u BT wasnt good 4 u…Best of Luck Dodo Usisahau kutumia mimi Invite on da Big day..

38. wambui - junior - October 31, 2007

wow, happy very belated birthday, thanks for stopping by, and congrats.

39. Unyc - November 5, 2007

happy very vry belated bday.

am happy cupid struck na umeshuka BT. congrats!!

40. boyfulani - November 8, 2007

hey, kwani umewekwa buymper nini hahahah…do i wish u back in da train?

41. frankie - November 9, 2007

another poooooooost!

42. archer - November 12, 2007

WEWE!!!! UPDATE IMMEDIATELY!!!!

43. bantu - November 23, 2007

Wacheni kwanza ni-comment nyinyi!! Ei man!! Development is a gwanta-mo-Bestest!! Jihenjoyii huko viproparest…

44. crystalballs - December 6, 2007

Very interesting. I like your style. The guy humour creeped me out at first, but damn, you’re good. I’ll definitely be back for more. 😉


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