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I’m a 2-year old… March 7, 2008

Posted by modoathii in Uncategorized.

It’s been a while since I sat on the couch and released…It’s not a rant, let’s call it my moment of randomness, or better yet just curiosity about stuff. So please explain to me like I’m a two year old…


• How does Chelsea lose it’s first match in sijui gazillion matches, then they start asking the coach if he can really make use of the expensive talent he has? Just one match? Inquiries, commissions are being called in left right and centre. Soon they may even investigate that soft helmet Peter Cech wears on his head. So what about kina Liverpool who even the coach only talks big after the match? Archer? Note: Sipendi Chelsea.


• Kenyans are the most courteous fellows I know. Excusing themselves here and there, asking politely, saying thank you, very welcoming, but what happens when they get behind the steering wheel? And these days do cars come with a dictionary of colourful cuss words and rude remarks as standard feature?


• How does the ATM at a bank not work, and it’s banking hours, yet the one hukooooooooo in the forest is fully operational? And why only at the end of the month?


• Why is it that if things go wrong, it’s you; but if they go right, it’s not you?


• When did the creative department in an agency become the least important? Why are shoved huko in the darkest corner (oh maybe coz we are the brightest yet without it they are just a bunch of tea-drinking fellows with no creative way to outdo the competition?


• Why do people go through people’s stuff without their permission? What do they hope to achieve? And what happens when they find something? How will that bhangi you found rolled up in my bag help you yet you won’t smoke it?


• On the same note, why the crap do guys go through people’s phones and chokora stuff that is none of their business? You start chatting and abusing people’s friends? Do you get extra bonga points if you do?


• Why oh why do people take those paos I have so stressfully saved in that make shift piggy bank for future use? Si they just ask and they will be given?


(okay, i was boiling a little there…sip of Vodo and i’m easy)


• Explain to me, why is it easier to believe a lie? I mean the lie sounds so so amazingly ridiculous, but yet we choose to believe it (i’m guilty here) yet the truth is the hardest to drive home. Classic example, the Bible.


• Why do matatu touts ask the darnest (sic) questions? He would be at the door loudly and proudly shouting above the cacophony that is the music within that fare to a certain destination is 30 bob, so you enter, you give him 50 bob and what does he ask, “wawili?” Or you are alighting there, yes there, then he asks “hapa?”


• Explain salvation to me. Not to bash on to the saved ones, but why are the old school ‘savers’ so harsh, yaani mpaka you feel you don’t want salvation? Then, doesn’t “thou shalt not steal” apply to others? Yet, they claim to be saved. What happened to WWJD (what would Jesus do)?




• Why do people feel wajuaji when they come to the office and ask for me using the wrong name, yet iI told them what name to use? Then they get surprised (and upset) when they are told hatujui kitu kama hiyo?


And an anti-rant…


I did a survey (Steadman, ain’t got s**t on me) and I found something not quite disturbing. It is expected. Of the many that were polled, many (read all) said if they were given a chance to beat me, they would. Kidogo tu. Raila can I borrow your clumsy security?


1. Phassie - March 7, 2008

first things first.

Mimi ni fao@

YEIII! but….

2. crystalballs - March 7, 2008

Now this is the way to start a furahi night ! 😉

haya, mimi nazungumzia each one in turn:

1. Arsenal eeeeeee, arsenal aaaaaa [but that was before Thierry moved… sasa ni barcelonaaaaaa – hey, i’m a red-blooded female!

2. Yes.

3. Juu hiyo ya bank ndio hutumiwa. it’s like comparing money in the vault with money in your pocket…ni si kuna charge ya counter withdrawal, so kama ATM haifanyi, sembuse bank ipate dough…

4. You’re a 2 year old. the answer is because.

5. Umeshajijibu, you guys are so bright, you glow in the dark corners…

6. Tattle tale syndrome, watu wanataka kukushtaki kwa aunty/boss/wifey wapewe soda

7. Eeeeh, coz ur a cat and u think you have nine lives?

8. Coz some people are just plain mean – heeee, nikipata mtu karibu na coin box yangu…hizo pao ni transport from riverori at 11.00 when i finally get to nai!! na msiniambie naishi dar sina haja nazo – Hakuna mat itakubali Tshilings na maforex hazibadilishi coins!!!

10. I don’t know. Uliza Kei

11. hapo my dear si makanga tu, ni everyone.

12. Ai…that one needs a session on the cuch juu haiezi toshea hapa…una kama lita 15 za maaza?

13. Er, let me bluminate that one over the weekend, lakini si unajua Rahima wetu anavyojibu simu : “Ati unataka nani? Bosi ? Unamjua? Na yeye anakujua? Basi kama humjui humwoni.”

Forgive me, it’s friday. Nice weekend!!

alright! those are indeed answered! your rahima is a star…better than just putting them on hold for hours on end…

3. threetypesofcrazy - March 7, 2008

I was going to do a one by one answer lakini crystalballs has done a good job.

Is it easier to beleive a lie- yes. Because the truth hurts sometimes.And most times we would rather not be hurt.

I have read and now I need a session on the couch.

give me the truth any day. and you’re welcome to use the couch…

4. Kafai - March 8, 2008

Boss, just drink more vodo! And stop thinking too much, your brain will fry!

the vodo is doing a great job at that. actually si fikiri sana, ni vitu zinarecur saaaaana, so i was wondering ladbda mi ndio…

5. boygenius - March 8, 2008

When you get an answer to question 5, please let me know. I think because creatives are passion driven while the others, caffeine or nicotine!

no one has the answer to that. we just have to continue the struggle…

6. jasmine - March 9, 2008

me i have no answers but can i laugh? what would we do without rants…rant on!

indeed what would we do….we need to clean the system at times…

7. Kirima - March 10, 2008

I second Kafai, Vodo will make those rants disappear in a jiffy. Lakini I can relate to a few of those especially the one about people all too willing to believe the lies.

vodo is a great solution, but ukiziida it brings more problems…hehehe…the lies issue sumbuas me sana. is it because the truth is so simple and obvious it looks ridiculous?

8. Wanja Kihii - March 10, 2008

To think i was having a crazy friday; you were supposed to be the coll headed one remember? why are you ranting?

Any who, 2-year old, my answer to all the questions above….repeat after me…”Human beings are weird”

Sambaza the Vodka ….

like i said, ni kuuliza tu maswali that keep recurring. i knew the answers (almost) but the recurring-ness (sic) makes me doubt at times. but yep, we’s wired weird.

9. Gish - March 10, 2008

First, pass the vodo. secondly touts need extra grace.
Then banks, just when you need cash then you have to walk across town only to find it reloading arrggghhh cant some of this tings be dome at night!!!
As for people going through other people’s stuff that just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

vodo itasamabazwa, tukutane friday. the intruding on privacy irritates…

10. bomseh - March 10, 2008

Almost missed this post. Effects of a wonderful weekend. Anyway, hebu expound hapo juu about truth vs lies where you mention the Bible. Are you pro or anti Bible?

glad you enjoyed your weekend. i’m not anti-Bible, and not ati very truly madly deeply pro-Bible. juu juu tu! we believe…

11. Sybella - March 10, 2008

lol… kafai. interesting advice…

for chelsea… money talks, so when you don’t deliver wins all the time, it will be noticed…

WWJD still works and is followed by the true Christians, although we are all human and do make mistakes… focus on Jesus and not people…

it is usually true about the lies… like believing in magic and not the Word of God…

bambi, they shouldn’t steal your money… are you sure you didn’t put it somewhere and forget… lol… just playing with you. move your piggy bank to a secure place or get a lock for it!

still have beef with you for the swa bit…

sybella pole about the swa thing…it just happens naturally. you should see me talking to my ‘mzungu’ boss. the WWJD sure still works, and we make mistakes true, and i don’t concentrate on people, i’m just wondering why ‘those’ (read saved..so to speak, and not all, a few) don’t concentrate on Jesus?

12. valentia - March 10, 2008

what struck me was the road rage..personally I get really irritated if I ingia a car with a driver who spends time cursing out other drivers…almost hit a friend once..very irritating

Modo..got another bottle from my lovely Russian neighbour..it looks interesting..(the bottle..lol)..wanna share??

atms..don’t get me started…this weekend its like they had gone on strike huku

As for Christianity..I’m with Sybella..focus more on Jesus..rather than people..religion is one thing..faith is another..I guess

Hope your week is looking up though (holla for the vodo..lol..bring limes and ribena and I’m set)

“faith is another” that answered a lot of things. quite true. hiyo vododski, i’m on you like socks on valentia road…LOL! ribena? week is aight so far…can’t complain, and even if i do, who do i complain to?

13. Kafai - March 11, 2008

Vodo and ribena? How?

i’m wondering too. but vodo is quite the versatile fellow, ever tried it with milk?

14. Cheri - March 11, 2008

That taxi tout thing also annoys me…how can I pay 30bob for 2 people and give him 50 bob? Assuming bob is shillings.

ah cheri you, are very right bob is shilling. i just give them the classic modo look.

15. valentia - March 12, 2008

vodo works with anything..after a lil trip up north to see a pal..we discovered the joys of vodo and ribena…mmmmm…lol…

but vodo and milk????eeeuuuwww…how now???

ati ur on me like socks on valentia road????muahahaha…good one…sawaz…hehehe..see u there..lol

si thats one of the purposes of a blog..methinks anyway…rant away man!!

vodo n milk is the PLAN! i was also scared the first time i heard, but nakuambia it’s deadly, try it…vodomarula

16. Nakeel - March 13, 2008

Just teremsha vodo…

kesho (furahiday) mteremko…

17. boyfulani - March 13, 2008

arghhhhhhhhh..wot happened to my text….na we nakeel una cut lain kwani nini? sasa wewe modo…washa nikwabie….tulikutoa mathare na dough mob, eh? na manze washa maswari migi..mtu hakarariagi muto..aiii alafu si unajua mathare hakuna ATM?…at least last time nilikuwa huko…lakini niliacha wakimisk muratina na maziwa..an on that concotion, they’d all b willing to beat u up!

18. boyfulani - March 13, 2008

nahuyu boygenius ni nani..AJITAMBUE!

19. Bantutu - March 13, 2008

2 year olds sure do aks alot of questions..the creative ones are banished 2 th dark cornas 2 go light them

20. Kei - March 13, 2008

These two yr olds of nowadays ask too many questions…. Me I never bothered to ask… I went with what I discovered along the way….Like….ummmm what Vodo doesn’t clear up, the Bible helps make clear.

21. Jadekitten - March 14, 2008

Right. I stop by here every day for the last one month…and the 3 days I don’t there is a post. Que no. 21. Why does that happen to me? LOL….

Easy, boy, easy. A bit more vodka..and some Mohito. There, now stop burning those brain cells. I can see ‘the suits’ (lol. Stiffs? hehe) are stressing you….

22. egm - March 15, 2008

Modo Asker, even me I’ll just sema kunywa that vodo! Reading these swalis almost drove me to the bottle!

23. Half n Half - March 17, 2008

since am late here, allow me just one question?
Why do people want to beat you?

24. prettylyf - March 18, 2008

very thought-provoking post! if only i had answers 🙂

25. Phassie - March 18, 2008

Umeuliza maswali mengi sana.

We believe in lies more because they are sugarcoated, and they don’t hurt if we don’t know the truth. The truth will always hurt.

26. Maua - March 19, 2008

The Bhangi you found rolled up in his bag will not help you, coz his meat is your poison, so bugger off his stuff.

Lies are sweet, I’m sure you know by now, if not why do people lie?

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