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A European, a China man, an Indian, a Somali and a Kenyan walk into a bar… April 9, 2008

Posted by modoathii in Uncategorized.
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…find music playing and a-dancing they would go. Or so they thought.

European: Just 10 seconds is all I ask. 10 seconds so I can enter into this junguz head (not the one at kachoi or the one at buffet park) to see, or hear, what the HELL he was dancing to. It wasn’t the drum beat, or the bass guitar. It sure as hell wasn’t the lyrics, or at least, the cacophony.

China man: Tell me Mr Shaolin (ex shaolin at that) what were you doing? This guy was dancing slow-motion (to a fast track). His hands were apart and he was swaying aka floating, plus pulling the matrix moves of dodging bullets but he wain’t dodging jack. He was crouching like a tiger, at times holding his hidden dragon.

Indian: Haiya, now this guy was a classic. Vot vas he thinking yeah? He voz dancing like he voz boxing in some rat ready to kill it only. In this case the rat was his ‘chick’. He was moving his ‘kushoto na kulia’ hands ‘mbele na nyuma’ not letting the chick move left or right. Then of course he began sweating. Aaaand what does this MF decide to do? Remove his F shirt. LORD! Even the bouncer had to prod him with a long stick coz of the STINK! Dandora garbage site has nothing on him. He was a weapon of mass stink.

Somali: Dancing in the shower is allowed but please, please, PLEASE no ‘showering’ on the dance floor. The chick should have told him to leave the self-exploration, self-cleaning to when in shower. But he was dancing alone. No points for guessing why.

Kenyan: Now the Kenyan, dear ol’ Kenyan male. Now honestly, I agree with ladies, Kenyan men are the worst dancers especially when drunk. Picture this, there was his chick who had nice, er, ‘goods’ and she was dancing like she’s straight off a Lil John video (YEEEEAAAAH!) Man, she was shaking it like a salt shaker, but our Kenyan guy (like many I know…don’t usually know myself when drunk so I’m not here) kept pulling her behind to his crotch area and simulating a ‘doggy-style’, hence messing with her un-choreographed moves. And spoiling entertainment for use ‘alone’ dudes. “Dude, she can dance, you can’t.” Yo, move get out tha’ way…

What a night! And…

I’m not talking about the ladies. Well they didn’t disappoint. I was feasting my eyes on dress codes out of Paris and Milan catwalks, some from lunar and looney catwalks. Even saw one dressed as a mboch.

And…

I’m not even talking about the dude who looked like he’d call on ‘mwaura‘ any time. And he did. Or the 60-somthing sikh “seeking a companion to rock his ‘archaic’ world.” Or his son (they looked like it) who were tempted to touch, but only started touching when ol’ man sikh was overcome by temptation and ‘touched’ the mboch.

Or the ‘loose’ nut desperate for a ‘driver’ to screw her ‘tight’ who believed we were from America (jeez ever heard a shrabber wenging), who wasn’t “on the dance froo mbicoz I haven’t risten to a song I ryk” and wanted us to “mbuy me a brack ice”. It was hard to keep a straight face pretending not to understand which drink this is that was ‘brack’.

I had a great night. If you’re ever bored and need to jazz up your evening, go to Mad House, F1. Alone or with buddies. Never with your chick!

 

Glossary (this is for you, yes you Sybella)

mboch – house girl

mwaura – puke/vomit

shrabber – someone who ‘L’ is ‘R’ and ‘R’ is ‘L’. (ara-ero)

wenging – tweng

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Comments»

1. farmgal - April 9, 2008

woooohooo!

2. farmgal - April 9, 2008

That wasn’t a forwad?? Lol
Were you solo ama you were laughing with tha boyz

3. 31337 - April 9, 2008

FG where you come from!

4. neema divine - April 9, 2008

lol…@pulling her to his crotch are…

5. farmgal - April 9, 2008

hapa hapa na wewe uko hapo hapo

6. crystal - April 9, 2008

intersting…veeeeeeery interesting…

7. boyfulani - April 9, 2008

looooooooool

8. 31337 - April 9, 2008

Hilarious! Do drag me along next time! it is in my…ahem…neighbourhood?

9. Gish - April 10, 2008

LMAO. ah the nightlife. BY the way not all Kenyan men are wack dancers when high a few let loose and actually dance compared to the usual swaying side to side.

10. Jadekitten - April 10, 2008

LOL at someone up there *begging* to be dragged along.

As for the china man, hidden dragon? Sheesh…and the Kenyans who invite themselves to women’s backsides in the club. Urghh.

11. pilato - April 10, 2008

I was here and will be back !

12. Kirima - April 10, 2008

LOL ati dressed like a mboch!
Next time I will tag along ama?

13. bomseh - April 10, 2008

hapa No Comments.

Crystal ulipotelea wapi?

14. 3N - April 10, 2008

i thought it was a forward….how about that mbrack ice. kyuks and shrubbing.

15. Half n Half - April 10, 2008

Ok must confess I didnt know what mwaura was!

16. Tandra - April 10, 2008

LOL… dont think tis only kenyan men with that problem…

17. Wambui - April 10, 2008

I like the one about “dancing in the shower”…that image will stay with me a long time!

18. prettylyf - April 10, 2008

Walala. I want some of what you’re taking hehehe

19. Sybella - April 11, 2008

lol… modo, i am touched that you remembered…

this is just hilarious, have been trying to remember the way my kenyan friends dance… ah yes, so true… lol…

20. Sybella - April 11, 2008

but the brack ice was the best… lol…

21. valentia - April 11, 2008

lolllllllllllllll…..about the kenyan guys..but its a phenomenon that affects many men..not just kenyan…so yeah

heehee..did she get her drink in the end?

22. frankie - April 13, 2008

hey, u sure u didn’t go with ur girl? and are u sure those guys u saying were there? it was funny all right, maybe i’ll fika there sometime…u sure i wont be seeing u on the dance floor doing a kenyan style?

23. Wanja - April 14, 2008

Chicken…yaani you dissed my plot for F1? …..i did it, i did it, i did it
tihihihihhihi lakini maddi is always very entertaining

24. Unyc - April 14, 2008

U hit the nail on the end (head)!

I hate guyz who decide its crotch tyme n not dance tyme!
A worst experience for me in F2 was I was dancing and felt this dude doing the makendes thingy…yuck!! When i turned…..Yeesus….his maneno’s were out. Did i slap him to oblivion! My best pal (a mama) punched him, threw him on those F2 couches and kanyangad his thing b4 the bouncers threw him out. I have never been that disgusted.
Good post!!

25. NAkeel - April 15, 2008

Lol so hilarious… eeeeh

26. Boutique Mix Fashion - April 25, 2008

hahahaha!!!


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