jump to navigation

10,000 BC… May 7, 2008

Posted by modoathii in Uncategorized.
trackback

Hairy man, dressed in one-month old mammoth skin, sitting on most comfortable rock spots equally hairy woman dressed in the latest sabre-tooth skin dress walking by. He get nice feeling and beneath the hairy mammoth skin, hairy snake rises.

“Ooooga moooga?” He asks his fellow hairy man.

“Mooga oo oo ooooo!!” His pal replies and smacks his lips.

Hairy man, lifts his crude weapon. (The Swahili and every Kenyan in general calls it a rungu) They still had not discovered smooth…well…ehee…

He approaches the so-to-speak sexy woman from an angle.

Woman blushes red.

He whacks her on the head.

Woman gushes red.

Mr. Man (they didn’t know how to speak so clearly they couldn’t give names) grabs ‘sexy’ mama by the hair. Luckily for our Mr. Man, the women were yet to discover salons ama kuna vile huyo msee would never have been able to grab any normal blooded woman’s hair like that. Anyway, he grabs her, by the hair, and drags the love-struck and club-struck woman to his cave and declares…

OOOGA!

 

1800 AD

My great great great great great great great great (etc) grandfather (one ‘great’ is coz he was indeed a great fellow) is chilling with his boys, on a comfortable rock, dressed in fresh goat-skin taking care of the herd. (Sample the dogs that always follow him around). He’s a ka-young fellow and clearly they are the village handies (runs in the family).

Shortly they hear sweet angelic voices as the village damsels waltz their way to the river giggling and laughing.

“Great-to-the-power-of-ten” grand zakes and his boys look through the bushes and spy the most beautiful chicks ever. They get inspired and aroused (I would too if I espied a topless girl), but “great-power-ten” grand zakes reacts quickest. While the others are deciding on who to grab for who, my rela has huko rukad mapema mapema and gone and grabbed the most beautiful one of them all.

He carries her on his shoulders and quickly runs home. He bursts into his fathe’s house and declares…

WIFE!

 

2008 – the year of the Lord and the year of smarter, more tactful fellows, except…

…except this buffoon who is sitting on his comfortable stool, not rock, at a bar sipping on his tanye (ehem, Tusker) and talking to his boys. In walks this fly arse mama (in our company). Him and his boys are er…excited. So instead of this jamaa swinging and sambaza-ing his lyrics like every modern man, he opts for the “traditional” approach.

This is his plan…

There’s a road trip out of town which we (including fly-arse) have pangad. Then apparently buffoon, who is a friend of our friend, decides he’s also coming. Over a few pints our idiot pal and fly-arse get conversing…but jamaa bado hasn’t angushad lines.

Anyway, come weekend and safari goes without a hitch and we reach destination town where we link up with…our pal and buffoon. It gets dark and buffoon, okay, I’ll call him Jack…but I hope you will appreciate the tact of not calling him JERK!….so Jack runs off and starts booking rooms for us. He doesn’t know our sleeping arrangement (since anyway we did comewith fly-arse in the same ride)….but he’s decided he’s smarter.

Since he can’t katia (lyric assault) this mama, he decides to force her to sleep in his room. How? He books one room less hoping since the mama will have nowhere to sleep she will ‘join’ him.

I know it’s 2008. I was surprised too.

What Jack forgot was that, this chick was in her home area. Anajuana na kila mtu mpaka bar-maid, hawezi kosa place ya kulala. (argh, she knows everyone in that town including the barmaid, so she can’t miss a place to sleep) So Jack as we all know slept solo and his pals all declared in unison…

KABANG!

But really, I thought this style of getting a chiley to sleep with you went out of fashion.

Aw well, barbarians never die.

 

*kabang – means in a nutshell, he never got any.

Advertisements

Comments»

1. threetypesofcrazy - May 7, 2008

when was Jack’s style ever in fashion?

not that it was in fashion, but there was a time, mongos used to do it. the cowards.

2. Kei - May 7, 2008

Jack’s obviously a jerk…. your great to the power of 10 grand zaks on the other hand… now there’s a man with great style

and he passed it down the bloodline…diluted kidogo tu though.

3. Xs - May 8, 2008

LMAO!

🙂

4. CB - May 8, 2008

Heeeeheeeeheeee i am so nyoa-ing my hair if i find that time machine! Alafu as for jack, well, they say history repeats itself coz we don’t pay enough attention to it the first time. That boy needs to go back to school !! But yenyewe sio ati amefeli saaaana, juu chicks still use the same old stunts to ‘kamata’ a dude, so dudes are allowed to be a bit dumb every now and then 😉

this was dumber…mtu amesoma?

5. CB - May 8, 2008

haiya, wapi avatar yangu? what is that dizzy thing up there and why is it pink? somebody get me a lawyer!

i lost mine too, can your lawyer be defence and prosecutor too….sielewi wordpress wanafanya what.

6. valentia - May 8, 2008

LOL….okie so why exactly would she choose him out of all the guys there??? Indeed the word “idiot” was coined for such people…

But I wonder…did Jack’s style of getting some ever work?? as in seriously..as 3TOC asks…when was it in fashion???

she didn’t choose him, he was vibing us but facing her. hehhhehe. jack’s style worked to get her in the room as for getting some…well….of course not. it wasn’t a fashion of sorts…

7. Peace - May 8, 2008

Lol

🙂 peace be wit you

8. frankie - May 8, 2008

he he he hillarious….why couldn’t jack just have asked? that way, she can say yes or no… since it aint 10000bc and he cant force her…

ushamba. that’s all i’ll say in his defence…not.

9. Tandra - May 8, 2008

well… when u fink al the modern ways tooo corny… there’s only soo much a brother can do, ya know!

ziii, just ask. i see, i like, i want. may i? that’s not corny…

10. nzembi - May 8, 2008

Jack is a real JERK!lol

trudat!

11. Nakeel - May 9, 2008

Lmao

12. wanja; mdomo wazi - May 9, 2008

still in shock……

13. 31337 - May 12, 2008

hehehehehe!! Dude needs to UPGRADE! and no, i shall not supply the DVDs for intallation i think he may have to install new hardware first. the one he is using currently might just fry if we did try. heheheh [hardware = new brain circuitry]

14. Sybella - May 13, 2008

i could have sworn i commented last week…. what did you do to my comment modo…

but this is hilarious… jack needs to learn some skills… as for the poor chicks who used to be grabbed with no say in the matter, all i can say is i am grateful that i live today and didn’t have to go through that crap.

15. Kirima - May 13, 2008

The audacity of Jack! what if it had worked I wonder, wouldn’t he just be every ones heroes.
Man why can’t we just go back to 1800 that technique is just too tight.

16. joyunspeakable - May 14, 2008

lol

17. bomseh - May 14, 2008

Si hata angejaribu kuhonga?

18. ---Supreme-G.R.E.A.M--- - May 17, 2008

Have we made life complicated in 2008? Modern times sweating us out. Jack might have been a shy one and the brodha needs hunting & gathering lessons.

19. triggaman - May 17, 2008

Give jack a jerking break!

If chick wanted to, she woulda in spite of his tactics. And if she didn’t, it wouldn’t matter what he did to woo her.

Ooooga moooga !!

20. boyfulan¿ - May 19, 2008

ai! whatever happened to tha art of seduction!

21. savvy08 - May 19, 2008

oh, you may have known me as frankie…just letting u know, and by the way, when is the next post?

22. 3N - May 20, 2008

modo enyewe hii post ni ndefu, wacha I put my work on hold for a few and read

23. 3N - May 20, 2008

poor Jack, aren’t you obligated as a fellow man to wise out the guy and tell him to try a more appropriate approach?

and who tells him a gal or a guy will sleep with you just because they are in the same room.

jack needs help

24. ragskanyi - May 30, 2008

interesting blog.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: